What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 21.06.2025 00:35
I said to her
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
What are you struggling with in your life? What would you like to have instead?
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
What 10 things have you stopped doing in your life?
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
What is the difference between the terms "Millennials" and "kids"?
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
She loved him until the end.
Why do Muslims invade Western society?
He resisted the act ,that day.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
What is your worst experience in life?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
How does an experienced gay/bi guy handle a bi-courius guy on his first time?
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
We were not on the streets..
What is your craziest/worst Halloween story?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
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She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
How do you handle family members who ask for handouts?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Why do I feel like something bad is going to happen to me?
So, i spoilt her more .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Are there any men who have sex with male dogs?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
And i lived it daily.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I waited trembling.
Why did my ex replace me so fast?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My mum and dad in the seventies!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I don,t even have a pension.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
This is soul school!.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
She found it foreign!.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I think the readers, may guess!
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
When she asked me how she looked .
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
She married twice! .
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
What did i know ?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Was to survive, this bastard.
So whats the point in blame.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I have no regrets .
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I could never make a relationship work though!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
One cannot live in the past .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was in good health!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But ive been too sick for many years..
She wouldn,t have been !
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was very sick at this time too.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Put me off passion for life!!
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
All the time i was locked up.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I couldn’t, believe it.
We all went to grammer schools
Would this be the day?
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Who then, do I blame.?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
Ive learnt so much.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was seconnd youngest,
As i do to all so called friends.?
He knew the spot.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
But, we were locked up after school.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I was 9 years of age.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I write beautiful poetry .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But it wasn’t much.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I was scared of men, in general
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Im still living with it.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Comes on , in middle age.
It was going to be , some day.
My life is so biszare .
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.